Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Not being needy

Today I felt so dull and heavy I almost didn't go to work, except that as a freelance I wouldn't have been paid so of course I went. I have a holiday with Virgil to look forward to and save up for but an inner voice was saying: 'Oh come on... please will someone answer just one of my emails. I need you. Please notice me!!'

I pluck up courage and send Oliver a message. I don't want to be a pest but it is nearly a week since he had said he would be home from his holiday and I know from his Facebook that he is in the city):
'Hello, patience never was a virtue of mine but it has been almost two weeks... so how about that drink? x" 
I purposefully don't contact Virgil until I have something jolly to show him. I swallow my anxiety that Jill doesn't want to live with me. Not that I've decided for sure but I think I would be up for it.

The worst place one can be when feeling this full of need is at home in front of a laptop. I go to work instead and pretend to concentrate.

An hour later Oliver messages me to suggest a meeting this weekend. Jill texts that she has been really busy but shall we meet tomorrow afternoon. I see something funny and send a picture of it to Virgil and we text each other intermittently through the day. Eventually I email him to schedule in some time together at the weekend. 'There is something to be said for pining,' I say, 'but I don't want this to turn in to some kind of endurance test.' Also, I need to confirm my date with Oliver.

Yesterday Virgil told me that when he first saw the romantic graffiti outside the flat he hoped I had written it for him. Someone has scrubbed it off now which is a shame. Although it was only words and not pictures it was a beautiful, romantic sentiment. Words can be art. We need more of this in the city.

No comments:

Post a Comment